Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He has the fingertips of a God
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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