He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize