soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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