don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We need to get me chipped asap
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize