thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
