i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
