im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
