no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize