I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
