I want to have your abortion
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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