I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
