woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
