I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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