the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
