This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
