just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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