I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
