I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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