Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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