I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
