Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
