their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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