I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
