i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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