if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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