you didnt know i had herpes?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
