Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
