Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
