Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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