How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
