Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
