Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
