ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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