Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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