I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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