I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
