my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You need Xanax blowdarts
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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