my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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