sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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