thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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