shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
