guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
