i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
