I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
splinters make it hard to masturbate
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize