Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
