You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
