xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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