is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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