Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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