What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize