I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
