your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
