I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
