Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
