Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
