my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
