So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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