drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
