fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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