the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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