Soap is not a condiment
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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