Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
