only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They took my balls.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
