She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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