Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
