Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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