Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize