Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
