Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
