I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize