I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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