I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
