on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
