I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
