you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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