i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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