Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
