38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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