Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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