Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I could fuck to npr.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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