who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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