You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
birth control should be required to get into college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
