nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
