Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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