someone threw a dead crab at me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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