Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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